I feel I am the same way and in every new 1:1 where someone asks how I like to receive feedback, I have learned I need to ask them for it async. I tell people that if they have anything to tell me, to put it in a slack message or email so that I can take the beat, feel negative, feel like I'm being attacked, and then process that emotion before responding.

It's something I'm still working on and as others have said, having worth outside of your career or outside of others is a big portion of my ability to work through the emotions. But while I'm still learning that, I really have found power and stability from letting that emotion pass before responding