It's not my job to solve the problems of people who don't have networks. I have 40 years professional experience in the software dev business, as I wrote, and during that time I've met and worked with a lot of people. Networks grow organically but you have to cultivate them (another person commented in this thread with the garden analogy).
If you feel lonely or struggle to connect with people, or maintain relationships, don't expect to get help for that in HN comment threads. Don't feel sorry for yourself, get help.
If you feel lonely or struggle to connect with people, or maintain relationships, don't expect to get help for that in HN comment threads. Don't feel sorry for yourself, get help.
While you are close to being 100% correct with this advice, don't you think you are being a bit harsh on the OP as it's obvious that's exactly what he has done by posting his job seeking issues here on HN?
I mean...if this is how you feel, why bother even replying to him? Obviously, it's too late for your advice to be of any help to him now in his current situation, right?
I'll come clean and add that I, too, am in a very similar boat as the OP...I'm a 55yo software developer with 35 years in the industry, and due to my lifelong passion with a side-career as a semi-professional musician and other introvert-type issues, I literally have a non-existent network of people who will help me find work.
In no way am I feeling "sorry for myself" with my job hunt...I'm just trying to keep from being homeless and hungry.
It's probable that the OP is facing the same things.
I don't think HN comment threads are a good place to get therapy. At best you get a variety of opinions and some personal anecdotes. I posted about my own struggle with shyness and introversion above. If I still suffered from shyness and introversion I would get therapy, I wouldn't come to HN and ask random people what to do.
In the spirit of trying to help, let me point out that your comment, and some others from people who apparently don't have networks of friends and colleagues, start the discussion with a negative tone. "That's fine for you but I don't have a network, I guess that means I've failed." Comments like that communicate giving up and blaming external forces, or things outside your control. We can all control whether we get along with people and cultivate relationships. Some people are better at that than others, but it's a skill anyone can learn if they want to. It's probably harder than learning a new programming language, but it has a couple of orders of magnitude more value in the long term. And it's never too late to start.
I'm not trying to be harsh on people or show off. I had the shyness/introversion problem when I was younger, and the lack of friends and professional network to go with it. The problem was my own behavior, not the world, not some cloud hanging over me I couldn't control. It took a person with insight who cared enough to try to help me to let me see I could change my behavior. Ironically that person was a new acquaintance I had just met a few days before. Just like changing any self-defeating or limiting behavior you start by acknowledging it and committing to change. Try CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy), that might help if you can't push past it on your own. What doesn't work is telling people "I'm introverted" or "I don't have friends."
> I literally have a non-existent network of people who will help me find work.
A suggestion is to just build that network of past people on linkedin, today. There's no rule saying you can only connect with people you worked with recently.
I've been on linkedin a long time (2004) and for many many years I did the introvert approach of only connecting with those I worked very closely with and considered friends. So my network was tiny.
Somewhere along the line I realized this isn't my list of friends, it's just a network of people I've worked with who I'd be willing to forward their resume to HR if they asked. That set is a couple order of magnitude larger than my list of friends. So I started sending out invites to everyone I've worked with since the 90s who was adequately competent or better. The vast majority of people accept.
If you feel lonely or struggle to connect with people, or maintain relationships, don't expect to get help for that in HN comment threads. Don't feel sorry for yourself, get help.